This was a big hump to get over when my wife and I were engaged and getting married. And I’m sure this discussion has caused a lot of heartburn for other couples as well—new relationships or old reliables. Although you are not extrinsically valuing one set of in-laws over the other (or one spouse’s career over the other), intrinsically it tends to feel that way during the heat of battle… I mean… discussion. But maybe this decision can get easier!
A few years ago, National Institutes of Health performed a 26-year longitudinal study that showed when a husband reported having a close relationship with his wife’s parents, the couple’s risk of divorce decreased by 20%. Conversely, when a wife reported having a close relationship with her husband’s parents, the couple’s risk of divorce increased by 20%.
I’m not a marriage expert by any means, but if I wanted to statistically safeguard a friend’s marriage, I would automatically tell him to submit and figure out a way to live near his wife’s parents. There is a lot of benefit from a husband modeling what humbleness and submission looks like.
This will not solve all your marriage problems (you’ll have plenty). But maybe it will help a little.
Do you agree? Should you live near your wife’s parents as a rule of thumb?
As you may know, I’m a big proponent of mobility—especially when we are young and ESPECIALLY if we are unhappy or unsatisfied with where we currently are. So if you hate the current city that you live in or if you despise the current job that you have, then please DO NOT buy a house! And do not over-leverage yourself (e.g. getting in too much debt)!
Nothing is more gut-wrenching than being stuck in a house that we really didn’t want… in a city that we really don’t like… in a job that we really want to quit!
If you are unhappy, please keep your options open—you never know what lies around the corner!
For instance, many companies do not offer relocation packages. So even if you are perfect for a new job, if you’re upside down in a house 300 miles away from the dream job, then you’re pretty much STUCK where you are!
Likewise, if you’re deep in debt, you’re also STUCK. How many times have you admired a great city, but your expectant income in that city is much lower than what you’re used to in the current city that you hate? Sallie Mae and Master Card are keeping you from living in your dream city, and that is shame!
What are some ways that you have kept your OPTIONS OPEN? #becomingyourtrueself
Recently, College Humor made an hilarious video about the mythical tradition of engagement rings (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5kWu1ifBGU). Similarly, since this is the height wedding season, I wanted to focus on the necessity of honeymoons.
As the median student loan balance for a recent graduate approaches $30,000, it really does make you wonder if newly married couples can even afford to go on an expensive honeymoon. Although weddings are very expensive as well, parents on average still do take on a vast load of that monetary workload; however, the honeymoon is usually left up to the couple (usually the groom).
Given the large student loan debt (or other accrued debts like car loans), should couples still go on expensive honeymoons right after they get married? Or should there be a grace period for the honeymoon?
And if you are married, what did you do in this situation?