Are You Really the Luckiest Woman in the World?

I see it every single day. Someone gets a pretty sweet gift and proclaims, “I am the luckiest woman in the world for getting gift x!!!” Sure, we are elated to get gifts and surprises and may be slightly hyperbolic when we get these things. But is there any truth to the claims? I have decided to put some of these claims under the scrutiny of data and see if you really have a claim to being the luckiest woman in the world.

(Please keep in mind this is a tongue-in-cheek piece. I am sure everything about you is simply splendid. Do your thing, girl.)

Claim: I am the luckiest woman in the world to have such a great job.

Doctor Claire

According to Forbes, the happiest job for a woman (factoring in salary, job growth, and job satisfaction) is a diagnostic medical doctor. The median income for this job is $121,000 and has an estimated job growth of 27% through 2020. Pretty sweet gig.

So how many women are doctors? There are approximately 202,000 female doctors in the United States. Out of those, only 11,000 earn in the top 10% ($233,000) of doctors. These salaries are based off of a general practitioner.

Conclusion: Unless you are a doctor earning in excess of $233,000, you do not have a valid claim.

Claim: I am the luckiest woman in the world because my kids are so amazing.

Gregory Smith could read by 2, enrolled in college by 10, is a children’s rights activist, and was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize at the tender age of 12.

Michael Kearney graduated college at 10, was a teacher at age 17, spoke his first words at 4 months, was once the youngest post graduate, diagnosed his own ear infection at the age of six months, and is a millionaire.

Alexis Martin was one of the youngest people to ever be accepted into Mensa, at the age of 3. She has the same IQ as Stepehn Hawking and Albert Einstein.

And just for good measure, literally everyone on this list:

Conclusion: Are one of these kids yours? Claim invalid.

Claim: I am the luckiest woman in the world because I am married to the most handsome man  in the world.

Omar Borkan Al Gala was deported from his country because he was so handsome, officials thought he would give women immoral thoughts. Hold on, I am going to re-type something: HE WAS DEPORTED FROM A COUNTRY FOR BEING TOO FUCKING HOT.

Ok, just wanted everyone to be clear on that.

Conclusion: Your husband is not Omar Borkan Al Gala

Omar Borkan Al Gala...Deported From Saudi Arabia 4 Being To Handsome (Panties Drop)

Claim: I am the luckiest woman in the world because my husband is the smartest man alive

This is easy. Is your husband Stephen Hawking (160 IQ), Christopher Langan (205) , Kim Ung-Yong (210), Paul Allen (170), Rick Rosner (192), Gary Kasparov (190), Andrew Wiles (170), Judit Polgar (for you ladies who love the ladies, 170), Christopher Hirata (225), Terrance Tao (230), or Evangelos Katsioulis (198)?

Only 0.5% of the population have an IQ over 140.

Conclusion: Probably not.

Claim: I got diamonds. I am the luckiest woman in the world.

In 1905 a man named Frederick Wells discovered a rough diamond that was 3,106 carats. Named the Cullinan, it was later cut into 100 smaller diamonds. The largest of those being 530 carats.

Actual-size replica of Cullinan Diamond.

Actual size replica of the Cullinan

In 2012, the Taj Mahal diamond sold for 8.8 million dollars.

The Elizabeth Taylor Diamond sold for $265,697 per carat and 8.8 million for the whole stone.

The total amount that Elizabeth Taylor jewelry collection sold for was 137.2 million dollars.

Conclusion: You do not have any of these diamonds.

Regardless of what I say, having happiness and love makes all of us the luckiest people on earth.